Communication and conflict resolution between Parenrs and Adolescents

Adolescents and parents contrasting desires and experiences contribute a lot to the increase in conflict between the two. Adolescents desire for independence and peer acceptance often contribute to the tendency to conform to peer groups norms and influences and to resist and challenge parental directives and adult authorities

Parents on the other hand have difficulties relinquishing control resulting in conflictual parent-adolescent communications pathways and potentially escalating negative consequences for all involved. The adolescence stage is a developmental phase that requires a restructuring of the parent-child relationship in which communication plays a central role.

Research shows that most parent-adolescent conflict tends to be about mundane issues such as personal appearance, curfews, telephone usage, completing chores and homework among such issues. It is however suggested that such mundane conflicts may be proxies for concern over more complex and sensitive issues involving trust, independence, peer influence, risky behaviors and sexuality.

Several investigations have established that frequent and often intense relationship breakdowns between parents and adolescents can have severe effects contributing to the externalizing and internalizing problems including delinquency, running away form home, substance abuse, adjustment disorders, low self esteem and depression. On the parents side such ongoing conflict has been found to contribute to parental dissatisfaction depression, anger and marital distress (Robin & Foster, 1989).

Given the likelihood of negative consequences resulting from dysfunctional parent -adolescents relationships, the goal of treatment is to improve communication between parents and adolescents. Highlights for the intervention have included the need to assess the nature of interpersonal conflict in order to improve parent-adolescent communication and negotiation skills.

It is however not clear, whether it is the quantity, intensity, source, perceived discrepancy and or emotional impact of the conflict between parents and an adolescent that contributes most to the poor parent-adolescent relations. The challenge for clinician therefore is to develop procedure that can assess and alleviate familial conflict.

Research shows that from late childhood to adolescence, factors outside of the family become increasingly more predictive of adolescent problem behaviors. Dysfunctional conflict, engendering beliefs, anger, triangulation, cross generational coalitions, and shifting parental coalitions get in the way of family members responding and negotiating in a constructive fashion.

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How to communicate and resolve conflict effectively

Effective communication can be the key to resolving conflict while ineffective communication often may be the cause of and exacerbate conflict. This comment was made in a paper presented by (Schwartz, Howard, Szeto, Mary Ping, Stewart, Carol, 1999) in a workshop for the Nonprofit Coordinating committee of New York.

Among factors recognized as affecting communication were conscious or unconscious “screens”. This can include values, perceptions, assumptions, body language, facial expressions, emotional status, and physical appearances, past personal experiences, stereotypes, cultural differences, nationality, race and gender, one’s use of the English language, and positioning and power.


Five broad styles of dealing with conflict are identified to include;

1) the accommodating style which entails giving in maybe because the relationship is more important than the conflict.

2) The competing style which involves win/lose scenario where one person gets what he wants at the expense of another.

3) The avoiding style where the conflict is not addressed at all.

4) The compromising style where one party meets the other half way usually giving up something in order to get something and

5) the collaborating style where the parties equally value their relationship and each others needs

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