Issues, Challenges and harmonization of a blended family

A rising rate of divorce in the Western world and new definitions of a family have ensured that most families now live in non-traditional and or blended families. The traditional nuclear family with a mother, father and children who live together under the same roof is no longer the norm

Statistics show that "approximately 1300 new stepfamilies are formed every day in the US“ and as time goes by this kind of family is getting more common than the exception. In a blended family, one or both parents have been married before. Both have lost a spouse through death or divorce and both or one of them has children from the previous relationship.

Challenges

Newly married couples without children usually spend their first month together building up their relationship. Couples in a blended family on the other hand are often more consumed with their own children than with each other. This may threaten the cohesion of the family and result in another divorce.

A second marriage may resurrect old unresolved anger and hurt from the previous marriage for both the adults and children. For example, a child may have been secretly hoping that the parents will reconcile and the new marriage destroys that hope.

The couple’s previous spouse may also act up when they learn of the new marriage, particularly if they had hopes of reconciling. A couple may also feel guilty if the children reject their new partner because they do not want to betray their other parent.

Factors about children in a blended family

Young Children (0-9 years) find it easier to adjust to the new family because they thrive on close, cohesive relationships. At this age children are more accepting of a new adult in the family, particularly if they are a positive influence to them. The parent must be careful though to reassure them because they tend to feel abandoned if they think that their parent is spending more time and energy with the new spouse than with them.

Preteens and young adolescents (10-14 years) have the most difficulty in adjusting to the blended family. This is a difficult develoment period for a child and they are more sensitive to a lot of things. A step parent must be especially aware and allow time to bond with them before stepping in as a disciplinarian.

Teenagers and young adult (15 years -21) need less parenting and may have less involvement with the step family. This is the age that the child is learning to separate from the family of origin and finding their own identity. They may therefore not be bothered much unless they feel ignored.

Another factor to remember is the way different genders accept the new family. Boys seem to accept a step father more quickly than girls. Girls are also very uncomfortable with physical shows of affection from their step father. Both in the early part would prefer verbal affection, such as praises and compliments instead of kisses and hugs

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